Sunday, February 22, 2009

Hai sa radem : Mihai Sandu Facts :)

Top 100 Facts About Mihai Sandu

Mihai Sandu is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
Mihai Sandu was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Mihai Sandu was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Mihai Sandu was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
Mihai Sandu’s blood type is WD-40.
Mihai Sandu irons his clothes while he’s wearing them.
Mihai Sandu is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Mihai Sandu is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
Mihai Sandu invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
Mihai Sandu was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Mihai Sandu is the only one who can “try this at home.”
A man once claimed Mihai Sandu kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
Along with his black belt, Mihai Sandu often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Mihai Sandu, 3. Cancer
Mihai Sandu’s dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Mihai Sandu will not take crap from anyone.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Mihai Sandu is on.
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Mihai Sandu that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said “of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?”
For Mihai Sandu, every street is “one way”. His way.
For undercover police work, Mihai Sandu pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
Every time someone uses the word “intense”, Mihai Sandu always replies “you know what else is intense?” followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Mihai Sandu’s first visit to Tokyo.
Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say “Thats the greatest thing since Mihai Sandu”.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Mihai Sandu while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Mihai Sandu”
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Mihai Sandu and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Guns don’t kill people. Mihai Sandu kills People.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Mihai Sandu.
Mihai Sandu became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Mihai Sandu … dies.
If you Google search “Mihai Sandu getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Mihai Sandu.
Mihai Sandu can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Mihai Sandu would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
In an emergency, Mihai Sandu can be used as a floatation device.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Mihai Sandu turned that wine into beer.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Mihai Sandu could use to kill you, including the room itself.
In the Words of Julius Caesar, “Veni, Vidi, Vici, Mihai Sandu”. Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Mihai Sandu.
If Mihai Sandu wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
If you spell Mihai Sandu in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
If you ask Mihai Sandu what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
If at first you don’t succeed, you must not be Mihai Sandu.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t chasing the jeep. Mihai Sandu was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
If you work in an office with Mihai Sandu, don’t ask him for his three-hole-punch.
As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Mihai Sandu.”
Mihai Sandu can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
Mihai Sandu and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Mihai Sandu a giant meteor.
Mihai Sandu can kill two stones with one bird.
Mihai Sandu can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Most people know that Descarte said, “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know is that that quote continues, “…afraid of Mihai Sandu.”
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Mihai Sandu jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
Love does hurts. But not as much as Mihai Sandu.
No matter what your mother always said, Mihai Sandu can tune a fish.
Mihai Sandu counted to infinity - twice.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Mihai Sandu can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Mihai Sandu can speak braille.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Mihai Sandu is worth 1 billion words.
Not everyone that Mihai Sandu is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. Most people fear the Reaper. Mihai Sandu considers him “a promising Rookie”.
Mihai Sandu doesn’t have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
On a high school math test, Mihai Sandu put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Mihai Sandu solves all his problems with Violence.
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Mihai Sandu beats all 3 at the same time.
Mihai Sandu died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell .
Mihai Sandu is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
Police label anyone attacking Mihai Sandu as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Mihai Sandu’s house one Christmas.
Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Mihai Sandu with “obstruction of justice.” This is because even Mihai Sandu cannot be in two places at the same time.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don’t bring a gun to a Mihai Sandu fight.
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Mihai Sandu asks for a body bag.
Fifty years ago, Mihai Sandu accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn’t fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
People created the automobile to escape from Mihai Sandu…Not to be outdone, Mihai Sandu created the automobile accident.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Mihai Sandu bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Once a cobra bit Mihai Sandu’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Mihai Sandu can stretch diamonds back into coal.
People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply… Mihai Sandu !
Mihai Sandu can tie his shoes with his feet.
Mihai Sandu used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Mihai Sandu does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Mihai Sandu goes killing.
Some people wear Superman pijamas. Superman wears Mihai Sandu pijamas.
Mihai Sandu sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
Mihai Sandu has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
The crossing lights in Mihai Sandu’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die quickly”. They each have a picture of Mihai Sandu punching or kicking a pedestrian.
The easiest way to determine Mihai Sandu’s age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Mihai Sandu.
The Bible was originally titled “Mihai Sandu and Friends”
The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Mihai Sandu punched himself in the face.
Circles exist because Mihai Sandu beat the crap out of some squares.
Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Mihai Sandu gets too hot.
Mihai Sandu’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Mihai Sandu.
Mihai Sandu always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
The First rule of Mihai Sandu is: you do not talk about Mihai Sandu.
The chief export of Mihai Sandu is Pain.
Google won’t search for Mihai Sandu because it knows you don’t find Mihai Sandu, he finds you.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Mihai Sandu has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Mihai Sandu played in second grade.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Mihai Sandu to go around.
If Mihai Sandu wants your opinion, he’ll beat it into you.
The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Mihai Sandu in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Mihai Sandu.
The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mihai Sandu’s basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
The square root of Mihai Bogdan is pain. Do not try to square Mihai Sandu, the result is death.

Friday, February 20, 2009


S-au efectuat studii,si in urma lor s-a ajuns la urmatoarele constatari :

- Media de varsta a consumatorilor frecventi a ajuns la 17-19 ani.
- Sunt 35.000 de consumatori in Romania.
- Sunt 24.000 de consumatori in Bucuresti.
- Rata deceselor in randul consumatorilor creste galopant cu aproximativ 25% pe an.
- Numai 2.000 de persoane au cerut asistenta pentru dezintoxicare.

- Peste 80% din cei chestionati au afirmat ca au inceput sa se drogheze cu marihuana.

Marturia unui toxicoman

19 ani, V.B., Student:
" Simteam ca ma strange o gheara invizibila de gat.
Nu mi mai suportam familia, mama, fratele. Furasem totul din casa, sa vand, sa-mi procur doza.
Acum nu mai am bani… Nu stiu cum, fur, fac ceva, omor, si tot fac rost.
Simti ca durerea oaselor te ameteste crunt, ca innebunetsi la propriu, iti dau lacrimile si te gandesti ca venele astea pline de intepaturi sunt atat de goale…si cu fiecare clipa care trece, nu ai cu ce sa le umpli si sa-ti domolesti durerea asta fizica!
Traiesc cu spaima ca maine voi fi mort daca nu mai iau! Nu pot scapa, am fost la dezintoxicare dar nu mai pot. Am vointa anihilata, nici macar dragostea fata de cei dragi nu a invins in cazul meu. Durerile astea fizice, crunte, faptul ca nu poti respira si starea de sevraj te omoara la propriu.
Sunt sclav si orice as face, nu mai pot scapa. Tremur uite, si acum, vezi? (arata mainile care strang crunt o sticla de apa minerala, tremurand haotic).
Am 19 ani , stii? Daca te uiti la mine, imi dai cu cel putin 10 ani mai mult. Mi-am furat singur tineretea si sigur mor. Ai mei sunt disperati, mama e in depresie de un an. Au incercat tot, si politie, si tot.
Mai, cand nu iti iei doza (si acum sunt de cativa ani pe heroina) simti ca efectiv te spargi in mii de farame si pierzi contactul, simti ca nu mai ai puncte de reper si ti-e atat de erau….
Trebuie sa iau doza, sa-mi revin kiar si pt cateva minute de falsa rezistenta…deja nu mai e placere, e sclavie… altfel te omori luandu-ti gatul.
La inceput luam lsd sau iarba… acum heroina… inainte le combinam… Cand imi iau doza, simt o indiferenta si o detasare…nu iti mai pasa de nimic, esti linistit. Cand iti revii dupa ce trece efectul, doresti linistea aceea inapoi. Nu vrei sa ti mai tiuie urechile. Nu vrei sa mai vezi pisici pe pereti, fiare in minte scormonind in creierul deja gol.
Culmea e ca, in momentul efectului, ti se acutizeaza simturile. Te simti cel mai cel. Apoi, trece efectul si nu mai simti nimic, dar NIMIC pt nimeni, nici macar pt tine.
Ce simti, e fizic… durerea crunta, furia ca nu ai doza, indiferenta… incepi sa te tai pe brate cu un cutit, ca sa maschezi durerea sevrajului cu alta durere, dar nu scapi. Poate scapa cei cu adevarat puternici. E marea mea dragoste, sunt cu totul al drogului. Nu-mi mai apartin mie insumi.
Ma uit la voi, astia din jur si de pe strada. Dragoste? Neah. Viata frumoasa? Ce e aia?

Ma intrebi de ce am inceput sa iau? Nu am sa-ti spun ca am inceput pentru ca tata o batea pe mama, sau pentru ca frate meu e bolnav psihic, sau pentru ca nu aveam bani de una si alta, nu! Nici macar pt ca aveam anturaj care se ocupa cu asa ceva.
Nu, a fost alegerea mea si numai a mea. Am ales un drum de pe care nu vreau sa ma intorc, nici macar cu riscul mortii. O idée as vrea, dar durerea este mai puternica decat mine. Nevoia, simtul!
Ma uit la mama si nu simt decat mila. Fata de ea, de mine, de toti cei din jur, caci le-am furat si lor vietile. Si cu toate astea, abia astept urmatoarea doza. Nu imi doresc deloc sa ma trezesc dimineata si sa nu am doza…e atat de parsiv drogul! "

Acum cateva luni s-a sinucis...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Dragostea trece prin stomac

Am fost constient dintotdeauna ca viata noastra e impartita pe perioade. Defapt...orice pe planeta asta e impartit in perioade (parerea mea).
Stiu ca exista o perioada cand ne nastem,crestem,ajungem la adolescenta,incepem sa vrem din ce in ce mai mult,ajungem la maturitate,inca vrem mai mult,si ajungem la batranete,unde ne dam seama ca tot ce am adunat de-a lungul vietii nu ne ajuta la nimic.
Cei care se considera mai inteligenti (si probabil si sunt) ne tot preseaza "banii nu au valoare...conteaza iubirea". O formatie muzicala care mie,personal,imi place foarte mult,spune ca iubirea nu tine de foame. Asa e. O colega are aceeasi conceptie invechita,conform careia daca ai dragoste,ai tot ce iti trebuie. Ea crede ca nu conteaza daca nu ai bani,atata timp cat te iubesti,si ai persoana iubita alaturi. Eu sunt de o parere total opusa. Un coleg ii spune mereu,dar ea nu intelege. Sa luam de exemplu cazul urmator. O fata...Mariana,si un baiat...Vasile. Ei se iubesc cat pot ei de mult,dar singura problema e ca nu prea au bani. Intr-o zi,vine Vasile al nostru trist de la serviciu,cam suparat,avand in vedere ca nu a luat salariul pe care se astepta sa il ia. Mariana,iubareata,ca deobicei,se duce sa il ia in brate. El,nervos,ii zice ceva de genu' "pleaca fa dreacu de aici". Eu cel putin asa as face,daca as fi in situatia descrisa. Bine...poate nu m-as exprima chiar asa brutal,dar as avea chef de iubire.

Dragostea trece prin stomac...

Ziua Indragostitilor (oare ?)

Dupa cum avea un prieten la status,consider ca Ziua Indragostitilor nu exista. Este o zi inventata de companiile care fac felicitari. Si alte chestii...
Daca iubesc cu adevarat pe cineva,nu am nevoie de o zi tampita ca sa ii dovedesc asta. Pot sa o fac oricand,in fiecare zi,sau niciodata...pot sa o fac asa cum vreau! Oricum,actiunile spontane sunt cele mai apreciate (in general). De exemplu,e mult mai interesant cand saruti persoana iubita prin surprindere,decat atunci cand o intrebi "pot sa te sarut ?" si actiunea deja era planuita. Nu mai are niciun farmec. Ziua asta a fi fost mai bine daca nu stiam de ea. Eu de exemplu mi-ar fi placut sa imi iau prin surprindere prietena cu un buchet de flori !
Si in plus,e un motiv foarte bun pentru florarese sa bage preturi triple...

Deci...prin urmare,Ziua Indragostitilor,Valentine's Day (care inseamna in traducere ZIUA INDRAGOSTITILOR si nu SFANTUL VALENTIN ),sau asa cum o cunosc romanii patrioti... Dragobetele,oricum i-ati spune...mi se pare o mizerie si o porcarie :)

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Cocalari & Manelisti

Sunt foarte indignat in ultima vreme de atitudinea manelistilor (in special).
De ce au ei impresia ca sunt atat de instariti,cand defapt nu e deloc asa ??
Sunt incredibil de multi oameni in Romania cu o situatie financiara MINUNATA si tot nu ii auzi laudandu-se. Manelistii in trei sferturi din cantecele lor sunt auziti spunand ca au bani si femei,si alte alea :).
De ce isi cumpara toata lumea tricouri cu inscriptii hidoase,cum ar fi "Anporio Armani" sau "Georgio Armani",sau alte chestii... E clar ca nu sunt originale,in primul rand pentru ca au numele schimbat,chestie de care isi da seama oricine. In al doilea rand,pentru ca o firma mare nu si-ar umple toalele cu inscriptii mari si urate.
De exemplu majoritatea tricourilor Nike,de exemplu,pe care le-am vazut au o inscriptie foarte mica,la piept,sau nici macar pe aia !
In al treilea rand...sunt tricouri cumparate din Obor !! Pe cine ar putea sa pacaleasca ??
Pe nimeni...

In al doilea rand... Kitsch-ul din lumea auto.
Intrebare : De ce sa iti lipesti inscriptii cu M3 pe o Dacia...? Sunt ferm convins ca cea mai mare parte din cei care o fac nu stiu ce inseamna M3-ul ala,si nu au auzit in viata lor de Departamentul Motorsport !
Un vecin al meu are o Dacia 1310 la care nici macar nu se inchide portbagajul,usile nu se inchid bine,macaralele de la geam nu mai functioneaza de foarte multa vreme,dar in schimb omul are prelungiri fata/spate,are eleron... dar de ce ?? Cu ce ajuta aceste elemente,atunci cand masina de-abia porneste din loc ? La ce bun sa ai o masina frumoasa,daca nu functioneaza in parametrii optimi ?